Misled Musings

Why does this caption speak mounds to me? This exact thought has been brewing in the back of my mind quite recently. Just yesterday, I was frantically googling foreign medical school transfers to US medical schools, and I’ve found that the chances are extremely slim, but not impossible. Now I know what I am destined for, and it is not this dim hallow place called Sharjah. I’m actually listening to this song by Years Around the Sun and he is saying ” all your life you had the chance to break the chain of circumstance”. It is like he is speaking to me like “majdoline you could have broken it if you wanted to, but you messed it up at AUB, with your alcoholism and promiscuity…” I am aware of that, lead singer whose name I do not know, thanks for stating the obvious. But now I know what I need to break his chain once and for all, I dissolve any association I have had with university of Sharjah definitely. All I have to do is weed out my garden of anything or anyone who is going to avert my sight from this blazing opportunity. I just need courage the right self-confidence my Yale friend kept encouraging me to express ( I love you Joyce!) who needs a social life in this devoid place? I am surrounded by such a vast pool of possession-oriented individuals of imbeciles that each new person I meet becomes utterly indifferentiable from the next. It’s just three more years I need to be eligible to transfer, three years that I will force to pass me by transiently and impersonally with an emotional attachment of nil. I am capable of it, because anyone or anything I have been attached to has always been transient, and I have suffered a lot because of my cursed sensitive nature, so the only solution is to become so totally indifferent and aloof that no single event or action will be allowed to impact my decision to transfer. And once I am at my dream school, I will have severed the connection to the UAE and UOS once and for all. And until I meet my long anticipated rendez-vous in my proper niche, I will just treat UOS and sharjah as my reception room, waiting for bigger things to come, waiting for when I will once again be that happy girl that greets the world with a smile. And if you’re going to come and toy with my dreams and skew my perception, then you can go fuck yourself. Distractions are not welcomed. I just want to be left alone in that reception hall, doing what I have learnt to do best these past months; dream, wait and anticipate, for something that seems so far away, so out of reach, and most of all so uncertain.

(via justlikeheaven1996-deactivated2)